TGIF: Tuesday it’s GIFs!
You love us. We love GIFs … and you. So look out every Tuesday for more mesmerizing GIFs like this one from classic Funny Or Die videos.
This suspender-iffic treat is courtesy of Every Little Step with Mike Tyson and Wayne Brady.
College. I really like some of the people here but I kind f doubt that they like me. My so-called best friend is— I can tell— getting really annoyed at me. so many times that I say something she’ll pretty outwardly judge me. She’ll make me feel like I was stupid or even more usually weird to say or do something. If i take a picture when she might think it was weird or say something that is — intendedly— controversial, I get a judgement filled look from her.
I’m almost sure she’s been talking about me to bother friend of mine who is also getting annoyed by me. Im not sure he would be though, if she had not have spoken to him. i don’t know. plus I really like that guy and I want to be close with him. Thats really rare for me. I don’t get emotionally attached to people easily. I just don’t care about people for the most part. Like I don’t miss people from high school so much. whatever. I just want this to end. I think I’m just going to stay quiet for a while and lay low. maybe it will keep people from having the chance to be annoyed by me. I just have to stop saying things and maybe stop laughing at things (since i get judged on that too) and probably stop asking people to hang out. if they want to hang out, then they can contact me. i doubt that will happen though.
I feel hated and rejected. but maybe its all in my head. i don’t know. All i know is that sometimes i just feel like I don’t belong here. like i was never really meant to live. other people seem to have this sense of purpose and whether they know theirs or not does not matter to them. Im not like that. I don’t think i have a purpose. it seems like everywhere i turn i just mess things up. idk. again, maybe I’m wrong. hopefully I’m wrong. If I’m not then maybe i don’t want to live anymore. i don’t want to kill myself, but i don’t think i would mind being killed. thats fucked up for me to say, but i think I’m just a bit fucked up. I don’t feel like i belong in my life. maybe I’m in the wrong body. maybe i was meant to be born as someone else but things got messed up. i just don’t know. I feel kind of helpless.
I have a psychiatrist but i feel like she judges me too. i would talk about my old friends who do drugs and she would harshly judge that. I know they did dumb things, but i really valued my friendship with them. I want to go home. not to rockville but to a place where i feel like I’m the right me. i hate who i am right now. I want to change. i want to let go. i want to be free. i don’t know where to run. location changes never seem to work. friend changes don’t affect anything. I just need to change myself but i don’t know how. this is the only me i know how to be and even so i suck at it.
i think i’ll sleep now. I can’t take thinking anymore. I want to stop.
A song stuck in my head:
Prom time is coming up. My school’s is this Friday, and everyone is making some huge deal. A few weeks ago, there was a frenzy to get a date. People felt they legitimately needed a date in order to have fun at prom, so they vowed to themselves that if they didn’t get dates, they simply wouldn’t go. There were a lot of cases in which guys would tell girls that if they couldn’t get a date, they might ask the girl to prom as a back up. I mean, how dumb is that? It never happened to me (seeing as no one asked me), but to think that someone would have a back up and then tell them to face is beyond me. That’s just not classy.
Now everyone is obsessing over dresses, asking people what their dresses look like, judging their dresses behind each others backs, and making a general fuss over it. I can’t speak for other people, but I think that the common, go-to prom dresses are ugly. They’re all bejeweled, or curtain-like, or jungle-themed, or slutty. It is so hard to find a good dress, especially within a normal price-range, so when you do, it’s likely that other people will get the same one. But watch out because if you do get the same dress as someone, a bitch fight is likely to go down. A friend of mine got the same dress as another friend. When they found out, one felt as if the purchase of that dress was a personal attack against her. She was personally offended and felt somewhat betrayed. How dare someone buy a nice dress for their senior prom that happens to be the same as hers?! This whole mess seems meaningless.
I’ve never attended prom before, but I went to my first homecoming this year, and wow, it could not have been worse. None of my close friends could go, so I went with a different group of not-so-close-but-still-friendly friends. The plan was for the girls to get ready together, to then pick up Chinese food and meet the boys to eat and go to the dance. Afterward, some of us would go back to my house to watch a movie and have leftovers. What actually happened was beyond different. We did get ready together, but the entire time I was ridiculed for not being comfortable getting naked in front of them
A song stuck in my head:
Wow. My life is already completely straying from anything I had in mind. I thought that I would be totally sure about college and a career and that college would be my opportunity to grow. I wanted to move away from high school, from that entire atmosphere including all my friends. Yeah, that sounds pretty bad, but if it’s between being an adult for once and continuing meaningless friendships with immature children, my choice is obvious.
But here I am. I’m enrolled in college, but I’m having some serious doubts that I made the right choice. It doesn’t help that my best friend is following me to college. That is probably the dream: coincidentally going to college with the best friend since fourth grade, but in my situation it’s quite the nightmare.
My whole life I’ve had self esteem issues that make me quite the push over. I like making people happy, but they tend to take advantage of me and I wind up doing things I’m definitely not up for. This friend of mine happens to be the worst offender. Every day with her makes me feel awful about myself, and so for years I have dreamed of going to college and having the chance to move out of that relationship. You can imagine how I felt when I found out she was going too. Immediately after announcing the news, she started suggesting that we get an apartment together and try to live together as soon as possible. If I can’t stand a few hours with her a day, I KNOW I can’t stand living with her.
Not only am I trapped into an awkward situation in which I have to repeatedly tell her I don’t want to live with her (she doesn’t listen well or take bad news well), but I also worry that I will not get the chance to grow into myself as a person. Staying with her leaves me unable to see who I am without her attached to my hip. I have always felt that she (this sounds conceited) takes the spotlight. She has an unnatural need for attention that shadows all personalities around her. That is not what I want for the next for years of my life.
I’m hoping we can just drift apart, but this girl clings. She thinks it’s normal to go home with me after school at 2:10 to watch a show with me that comes on at 10pm. She also feels entitled to dinner and to clothes to borrow. That really gets annoying. It’s not just dinner she feels entitled to. She thinks that because she has OCD (which by the way, leaves her no worse off than other people because it’s so minimal), she should have an extra few HOURS on AP exams. She really works no slower than me. Does that mean that I should also get extra time on every assignment and test I take? I hope not!
Ugh. This whole thing leaves me in an awkward position that I am not a fan of at all.
Also she’s jealous, rude, and obnoxious.